Indecision in Life Decisions

I’m one of those people who think they know exactly what they want to do and so I work towards that goal and then as I’m working towards it I realize it’s not for me. I feel like one of the most indecisive people when it comes to what I want to do in life. This post is going to show you just how indecisive I am with my career choice and why it’s important for you to read.

Growing up I switched with what I wanted to do so many times. I wanted to be a teacher, then a veterinarian, then a helicopter nurse in the Air Force, then an ER nurse, then a nurse practitioner, etc.. Each time I wanted to be that thing I did the research and tried to think of what to do for it. In the 6th grade I had to do a presentation on Teaching and during my research I realized I didn’t wanna do that. I took Ag to work towards being a vet then I realized, nope. I stuck with wanting to be a nurse for a while, it just kept changing. When I went to a camp for JROTC I realized I wasn’t going to be happy in the Air Force. Then after doing rounds in my Health Science class I realized I wasn’t cut out to be an ER nurse. Then I settled on being a Nurse Practitioner because I knew they paid the best.

After high school I went to college and stuck with wanting to be a nurse for a whole year. It was after my second Anatomy and Physiology class that I realized, I am NOT nursing material. Why had I ever thought I was? Not only that but that first semester I realized I have a very adverse reaction when it comes to the sight of blood. So, I changed my major and went the complete opposite direction.

My second year of college was the best because I realized I belonged in the English department. I had my major changed over to English and had a specialization for teaching. I went back to my 6th grade dream (throwing aside the lack of money teachers would make– that’s what stopped me back then). I took a couple of classes to be a teacher and things went well… then I had some other issues and I decided to drop that. I realized I didn’t want to be a teacher, I just wanted to help people and work with books.

After dropping teaching I switched my minor to something useless but fun: Medieval and Renaissance Studies. Going in with this set up of English and that wonderfully useless minor I had no idea what I wanted to do. I went from wanting to be a writer after taking Creative Writing (but I knew that wasn’t the smartest economic decision. Then after another Creative Writing class I realized I wanted to be a literary agent. I thought it was the perfect decision.

I stuck with that decision up until a couple of days ago where I realized there’s something perfect for me out there. I’m not the greatest person with grammar so editing just didn’t really make sense for me anyways. So, now, after moving up to Pennsylvania and living up here for almost a month, I had my latest life decision change up.

It was when I was at a Barnes and Noble browsing the YA books section that I had a fantastic moment that spurned my newest choice (the perfect choice really). It was the greatest moment ever. There were two young girls and a grandmother looking at the books beside me. Here’s how it went down:

The grandmother pulled the book Looking for Alaska off the top shelf which the young girls could barely see. They had to be around 10 and 12 years old. I heard say how it was a good book and when I glanced over and saw the title I couldn’t help but speak up. I told them it was a really good one. The grandmother said I must be a teacher, I just said I was a blogger and a reader. Then the 12 year old girl looked at me and asked had I read The Fault in Our Stars, to which I said yes and she began to tell me how she’d read it 5 times. They looked around a moment more and I decided to keep talking to the girl.

I asked her what her favorite genre was and she replied with “fantasy”. Being one of my favorites as well, I had plenty to offer. I told her about the book series I’d just finished A Girl of Fire and Thorns by Rae Carson. She was very excited to tell me that one of her friends loved it and she wanted to read it. Then I told her my favorite fantasy book, Throne of Glass by Sarah J. Maas. When I finished telling her about it she was so excited so she, her sister, and her grandmother started to look for the book.

I kept browsing and when I found it I leaned around the shelves and told them I’d found it. She ran around the corner and reached up on her toes to grab the book I was pointing to. She was so excited, it looked even better than it sounded. Then we continued to look and she asked if I had read Matched by Ally Condie. I hadn’t but we talked about romance in YA books for a few moments until her grandmother told her it was her sister’s turn to pick a book. What made me smile even more was the fact that her grandmother said she could have both books.

As the girls walked away I tried going back to browsing but at that point I was smiling too much and too preoccupied by what had just happened to really pay attention.

It was later that night when I was texting a friend about the incident when the inkling of the idea came to me. I made the comment saying “maybe I should be a librarian or something” because I was so happy with what had happened in that book store.

The next morning I woke up and couldn’t get it off my mind. So, that’s my newest and definitely the best fitting job goal I have. Now, I’m working towards going to grad school to become a librarian. It astounds me that I never thought of it before, but everyone takes their own time with decisions like these.

My point for this post, besides telling you all about how indecisive I am with life decisions, is to tell you that it’s okay to be indecisive with what you want to do in life. You just have to try things and figure out where you fit in best, what you would be happiest doing. Happiness is the biggest thing. You can get a job because it makes the money, but you should try to aim for the jobs that make you happy. I’m not going to have an easy time with being a librarian because they don’t make a ton of money but that’s not going to stop me. I want to make an impact on lives and with this job choice I can do it anywhere.

To the high-schoolers reading this or the ones you know, just go with what you feel you want to do. There’s a good chance what you choose in high school will change, so don’t worry too much.

To the college students that are undecided or have a goal but it’s not turning out the way you wanted, just step back and think about what you really love. You’ll figure it out, give yourself the time first.

To those who have graduated college (like me), it’s cool if you graduate not knowing what you want to do, just have some sort of contingency plan. If you do know what you want to do and then later down the road that changes, just roll with it. Make the change that’s best for you.

To anyone beyond these points in life, if you’re not happy with where you’re at then make a change. Go with what your heart tells you.

This post has gone on a terribly long time… I think it’s my longest yet, but I had a lot to say on the matter. I hope this helps people who are as indecisive as I am. If you know someone like that, feel free to share my story and maybe it can help them out. Thanks for reading!

Until later Chaos Seekers!

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